I have fought the movement toward plaid in my own passive aggressive way; I just didn’t buy them, no matter how many models, actors, or cool guys did. It’s not my fault though. I had a horrible incident in childhood where once Christmas was entirely plaid, I mean mountain man wearing my mother’s bras plaid. A few thousand jokes later and the idea of having anything but a kilt on when I wore plaid again was as close as I could bear to be to the design. And now, I’ve snapped.
It seemed time to give up my senseless resistance and attempt to find things that were non-offensive to my childhood trauma. Hence green. It got me thinking about fashion in a philosophical sense, and I’ve been designing clothes for the characters in my books, for which the male characters present much difficulty mainly in the lack of books and shows for them. Here is my little attempt to talk about the subject without the words garment or references to denim and chiffon.
Hips — This is surprising the key differences between the gross anatomy of men and women. There are more obvious features to our eyes, and yet as far as actual structural differences and size of areas in question, the hips win every time. I think it’s essential to start there, and was the reason for my turn toward plaid. It’s not just the color but the better approach those shorts tend to take for the male hips. They are almost vertical and produce a short indentation in our frame, the perfect place to hang shorts and pants from. Obviously I’m not about sagging in the slightest.
Aside from practicality, there is something to be said for playing to our strengths. Upper bodies are interesting but overdone in a way. Additionally, the size is entirely dependent on how big of a gym life you have time and money to develop. However, with diet you can mostly control the tone of your hips, and it’s an even denominator. They don’t change in size except when your growing. For adults, they will be the same until we break them when old. It evens the field between all rivals. Therefore, choosing the appropriate rise of the shorts/jeans and the length of shirt is important for bringing out this area.
It was a recent discovery, but one I should have thought of much earlier. My upper body is incredibly short in comparison to my overall height. My legs are so long that I usually have to by jeans that come up to my belly button to get the appropriate length. Hence, for me a lower rise will make them sit much better, despite my lack of toned and uncovered abdominal muscles. Discover your body proportions and then work with them. Exposing genital hair and arch certainly have their place, but well framed hips that allow that short segment where bone meets skin to be exposed above the shorts/jeans will probably offer the most attractive visage.
Abs — It’s not necessarily about the six-pack when it comes to non-beach/nudist wear. If the shirt lets the hips become a tease, it is my opinion that the upper abdominals are better left for the later period of getting to know each other where alcohol and anxiety can distract your companion. Most everyone has strong muscles right at the waist because ever motion we make comes from this area. You can’t twist, squat or sit without activating them. Again, using the natural strengths of this isolated area can maximize your impact while at the same time creating a level field with those annoyingly sculpted men.
Choosing the shirt should be just as important as the shorts/jeans, and I see a great number of men and boys going with undershirts. I know it’s a look, but consider that even a tight undershirt of the wrong length will miss it’s opportunity. Also, they come in colors. For minimum financial impact you can have a rainbow to choose from, white isn’t right for everyone. Get the right length to suit your upper body. As I stated, my upper body is very short, and when I was at better weights, it became apparent that most shirts where incredibly long on me. This doesn’t mean you should select crop tops; if you’re that impressive, don’t wear a shirt. What I suggest is that teasing length where movement will expose the hips and yet you can walk most anywhere and not feel under dressed. Learn from women, teasing is almost more important that the goods themselves.
Minimalism — This is more my taste I suppose, but again, consider that clothes are really an optional choice in warmer climates. They are like paint in a way, and you don’t want to deface a great building with too much decoration. Layers are important when it gets colder, but there are still ways to assist your frame and therefore your appeal while doing so. Even though I opposed zipper sweatshirts in the past, the modern incarnations have made a lot of progress away from the bulky, itchy things I knew. They also allow for warmth of the extremities while allowing your previously mentioned choices to shine through from below. But always think about what the added element will do to the overall approach. Not on the day, but when you purchase the clothes. That’s another part of my philosophy, aside from ensuring that you don’t wear red and green together unless your in a camp Christmas musical, more than forty-five seconds of thought about a shirt is too much.
Interesting shirts should probably be covered by simple, single colored zippered sweatshirts or jackets. If you wear a pull over sweatshirt, then wear one of those nice cheap, colored undershirts and save the pretty ones for another day. I’ll allow that those more creative than me can link up over and under shirts to create some sort of artistic statement. If that’s the case, design some dumb options for the rest of us to buy because you’ve got skills and should be paid for them. I prefer to think that only one element should draw the eye at one time. Skin is always the first thing humans see. Next is something shiny, and after that contrasting colors and interesting shapes. This can lead to some interesting ideas.
Instead of awesomely bejeweled jeans, and I saw some the other day that could only be described as masculine dazzle, go for a belt that is yellow or white. Both of which have been slowly trickling down into everyday fashion for a year or so. Not to belabor the point, but the belt will help to draw attention to the hips, and it offers something new for those checking you out. Belt buckles are becoming cool again, and not just in square dancing contests. Even cool ripped jeans can benefit from an interesting belt. The studs thing is interesting, but I have a feeling bold colors may be the next thing plus they fit my minimalist philosophy.
In short, don’t overdo. Cool shirts go with boring jeans, and a bold belt. Tight buckles go with boring everything. Hoodies from Guiness, my birthday present, go with everything. Shoes are their own thing, or even if they should be worn. I’m fixated on converse for the moment, but allow that sandals and other choices make find additions. I personally don’t understand sandals and jeans, but I hate pants in general and try to wear them as little as possible. So to free your feet while constricting your legs seems stupid, and cold. Beside the fact that sandals really go with shorts, they complete the freed leg and show others that you spend your time with little to no clothes on most of the time. Or that you are a weekend slacker, but still, they know you a little better that way. Pale feet in the winter tell me you like frostbite, and tanned feet in the summer make me think you’ve been kidnapped and brain washed into wearing jeans. But that’s probably way over thinking it, and that’s against my philosophy.
Last, don’t wear colors that make you look stupid. My dad is slightly orange when considered in the appropriate light. When he puts on anything close to that color he becomes bright orange. I look best in greens and earth tones, though I sneak blue in because it’s on of my favorite colors. Pink can go with most people, but that horrible bright magenta thing should be banned from existence. Pale is probably better for our eyes anyway. Black will is good, but it creates a lot of contrast. If you’re still waiting for the public pool to open it’s doors, or the house to empty for the weekend and the neighbors to turn a blinded eye; it may not be the best option head to toe. Though I appreciate those who can use chains and face paint to make it all come together. Industrial is something I won’t pretend to comment knowledgeably about. When it’s good, it’s amazing. When it’s bad, you wonder when they showered last. An okay rule is match your eyes when possible. Especially your shirt; it’s why superman has a blue costume. But if you start to resemble the shirt color, change and never look back.
Above all, don’t obsess. Once you open your mouth, the clothes will dissapear, and depending on how wide you open your mouth, well, clothing should introduce you not speak louder and be more interesting than you are.
