I came to the realization that there is nothing more freeing than ‘no’. It gives you the ability to pack it in, to reach for disillusionment and cut losses. Perhaps to appease your family, your friends, your better judgement. Or worse, you can see it as a statement about yourself; a resolution about your absolute value, a universal statement that for all time describes your worth. That is the power that we allow ‘no’ to have over us, and it is the absolute inauthentic decision to allow it to be at all.
The phenomenological truth is that in that moment you have absolute power. When someone says yes, they are giving you permission, they are in essence taking the power from you into themselves, and it is by their leave that you go forward. This is not inauthentic on principle, but it is not an authentic moment, rather the conclusion of a previous moment. ‘No’ however, is a moment of ultimate reality. It is an abrupt disruption of the normal flow of your life, and it is a truly existential moment. In that ‘no’ you are alone, you are denied access perhaps even existence. Whatever you do going forward will be an authentic choice, or an inauthentic acquiescence to an outside power, and the removal of your freedom.
First, the inauthentic reality of the moment. ‘No’ is not necessarily arrived at by a permissive request, but it is an assumption that one has been made, or should have been made on that point. It is inherently an overt attempt to deny your freedom and to remove your power. From a position of ‘no’ it assumed that a decision has been made for you. Inauthentic existence is one that accepts this presupposition and willingly accedes to its truth as ultimate reality. I will of course refer the matter to Sartre for defense on the point of no choice being a choice. Should you accept ‘no’ on the basis of it being a rejection, on the terms that the rejector has set, you are relieving yourself of responsibility; you are destroying your freedom. Such an inauthentic decision is freeing in relation to the anxiety that responsibility of decision has. It is soothing to pretend that the matter is resolved by the refusal of a power, that the responsibility is no longer yours. Yet, such a position denies your existence as a free individual, and denies your ultimate responsibility in bad faith.
The authentic decision in relation to ‘no’ is simple, pursue or retreat. Sun Tzu is very clear on the power of retreat as an art of war; that in doing so we do not accept defeat, we plan for ultimate victory. Retreat done in an authentic manner is a choice, and an empowerment based on your freedom. ‘No’ allows you the opportunity to evaluate the situation, and take in all factors that have bearing to the situation; giving ample time for pruning where unrelated concerns have grown in the fertile ground of doubt. In fact, there is no greater moment of existential reality than in the denial. There is no way to escape your responsibility to choose in this moment. It cannot be overcome by the force of prior choices, and it will not be solved by inevitable means. Any movement requires choice; responsibility demands it. It is also the situation in which courage is most drastically required to face down the denial of your existence, and the reality of the abyss that surrounds us.
Something denied is power gained. The power to truly make a decision where one may not have existed before. This is the fear and anxiety that we have of rejection in general. It will force us to choose, and we are anxious over the existential reality that we must face in that choice. It is better for us to avoid these moments of rejection; even to run from them in order that we might pursue a lie of existence. When faced, ‘no’ is a clearly defined opportunity to assert your freedom to be. There are only two choices, though variations of each choice may exist. In the face of ‘no’ you must bring yourself to resolution, draw up your courage and march solidly into choice. Willingly or unwillingly, you are given the opportunity to experience your existential reality in full.
Should you press forward, you will do so with no illusions about your resolve, and you will do so without doubt as to your courage. The opportunity to retreat has been given and forsaken in lieu of the advance. One who presses on in the face of ‘no’ does so at her own expense, and without any momentum or power gained from afar. It is a bestowal of power in the situation, absolute power. Tension and anxiety force you to evaluate your position, your character; your very existence. Meaning can only come from you. What you assign to it will be the truth, and no other can take that power from you. Courage to be in the situation must arise from within, and must be fueled by an unencumbered resolution of doubt. Evidence, either factual or affective, must be secure and confident in your mind. You must believe yourself capable of pressing forward, and this same belief will give you the courage to face the reality of non-existence staring you down. In this moment you are the author of your destiny; you are the maker of your existence.
Finally, the decision to retreat is not so much retreat as it is adherence to a different direction. It too requires courage, and because it is so closely guarded by inauthenticity, may require even more courage. Rage, revenge, rebellion; these feelings can encourage advance in an authentic manner. However, doubt, despair, decay; these feelings do not fuel authentic retreat, instead, the must be overcome if retreat is to be authentic. This is the power found in ‘no’. Every movement is power to choose. Understood, responsibility accepted; the moment of rejection is the peak moment for our existential existence.